Just a Dream
by intoxicatingly.dazzled
Summary: Missing moment from New Moon, after Edward first leaves. One of Bella's many nightmares about Edward.


**This is my 1st song fic - after I heard that Midnight Sun was leaked, this is how I let out all my misery- writing a sad story. I hope you like it...**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns this. And this story is dedicated to her because I feel so bad...among other reasons, which include the fact that she is a genius, etc., etc...**

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**BPov**

I was in my room, trying to go too sleep, trying not to think about anything, just go on with my life as normally as I possibly could. For Charlie's sake. And Renee's. Everybody's sake except for myself. I couldn't stop thinking about him. At night I would have the worst dreams, I would wake up screaming, trying to find him, only to remember he was gone.

Forever. And now I needed him, needed him like a drug that I couldn't live without. I could only hope that tonight wouldn't be one of the worse dreams I had been having lately... I turned over restlessly, hoping I could have a blissful night of dreamless sleep... but it did no good...

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_It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen,_

_All dressed in white,_

_Going to the church that night._

I was in a limo, with Alice, Esme, and Rosalie. Renee had wanted to be with Phil, in the church, so she wasn't there. They were trying to reassure me that he would be there, waiting for me at the altar. I had this strange feeling that he wouldn't be, and I would look into the church to see everyone but him.

Alice's eyes suddenly unfocused, and everyone turned to her. I was used Alice's visions being a minute or so, but this was only for a second. Her eyes unfocused, and I asked, "What is it, Alice?"

"Oh, nothing."

I saw her exchange a look with Esme, and then saw, out of the corner of my eye, her take out her phone and text-message someone. When she got a reply back, she seemed to wilt with relief, and then nod to Esme.

_She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,_

_Six pence in her shoe,_

_Something borrowed, something blue._

All of the notes he'd ever given to me, ever written, were in the car with us. I wanted to cherish the memories. they were neatly arranged in a box that Jacob Black had carved for me.

He was happily dating Tanya Denali now, after he met her at the dress reception - they had come down from Alaska early. I for one, was amazed that they could co-exist, him being a werewolf, she being a vampire, but they were able to. I had my suspicions that he had imprinted on her, but he had said earlier that he would tell me when it happened.

Alice had forced on me the traditional six coins in my shoe, which, I complained, were very uncomfortable, but she argued it wouldn't be authentic if I didn't have them.

Rosalie, to my surprise, had offered her blue necklace, which I had worn without complaint. It was beautiful, a large triangle of jewels that clasped around my neck.

_When the church doors opened up wide,_

_She put her veil down,_

_Trying to hide the tears,_

_Oh, she just couldn't believe it_

Alice nudged me. I looked out the window only to see the large picturesque church. I hadn't realized we were there already.

"Breathe," Alice reminded me. I hadn't noticed I had been holding my breath until Alice had reminded me to breath. I took a deep breath, and stepped out of the limo. Rosalie and Alice gently placed my veil over my face. I tried not to cry and prayed that Alice had used waterproof mascara.

Rosalie had already disappeared inside the church, walking down the aisle with Emmett, by the looks of things. Esme gave me one last reassuring smile, then slipped inside to sit down as well.

"Okay," Alice said, "I have to go now. Remember, breathe, okay? it will all be fine." She smiled, then skipped inside as well.

I took a deep breath, knowing that the double doors would open for me. They swung open sooner then I had expected. I couldn't see everything in the room, not with tears blurring my vision. I walked down the aisle slowly, because I could only see a few feet ahead of me.

_She heard the trumpets from the military band,_

_And the flowers fell out of her hands._

I could hear music that had not been arranged, something must have gone terribly wrong. What Alice had seen earlier, what she thought would be fine, had turned into reality.

I had been clutching my bouquet of flowers to my chest, an assortment of freesia, lavender, and other flowers that Alice had picked out.

_Baby, why you'd leave me,_

_Why'd you have to go?_

I stopped and almost fell to my knees. Edward wasn't there, I would have sensed him, we were so attuned to one another. He had left me. Where was he? This was our wedding, when we would officially become each others forever.

_I was counting on forever,_

_Now I'll never know._

We would have had forever with each other, could have lived happily ever after. I would never know what it could have been like. All we could have been, together. Children, adopted, like Esme and Carlisle. We would have been partners, like Alice and Jasper. We would have been like Rosalie and Emmett, perfect for each other, yet different in so many ways.

_I can't even breathe._

_It like I'm looking from a distance,_

_Standing in the background,_

_Everybody's saying he's not coming home now._

It was like I was floating above the scene. Everyone was milling about, mournful expressions on their faces. I didn't know what was happening. Why didn't they realize something was wrong? This was a wedding, weren't they worried about the groom?

I heard whispers...

"...so sad..."

"...car accident..."

"...young..."

Now I knew for sure that Edward was gone, he was never coming back. There was no way he could have gotten killed by a car accident. Even if the car had been on fire, he would have been able to get away.

_This can't be happening to me,_

_This is just a dream._

I couldn't believe Edward had left me. This couldn't be happening, I thought he had loved me just as much as I loved him. How could he do this to me?

_The preacher man said,_

_"Let us bow our heads and pray._

_Lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt."_

But I knew this wouldn't help, because he wasn't dead. He had left me. Not for Tanya, she was with Jacob. For who? I didn't know. For what? I didn't know that, either. I only knew one thing. he was gone, and not ever coming back.

_Then the congregation all stood up and sang,_

_The saddest song,_

_That she ever heard._

I hear the opening notes of a song, one that was too familiar, bringing back memories I didn't want. Clair de Lune drifted through the crowd and through my head. Thinking of the first time we kissed...The first time we met...So many things I didn't want to think about.

I never wanted to hear Clair de Lune again.

_And then they handed her a folded-up flag,_

_And she held on,_

_To all she had left of him._

I saw my dream self being handed something down below me. It looked like a piece of cloth- square, folded up. I think it was a sort of flag. Maybe they thought Edward had been in the army? But no, it was a flag with his last words on it.

Their mouths moved in unison, as I struggled to make out the words. _Was a present for you when he was gone._ I squinted to see the writing on the flag.

_Be Safe,_ was all it said. The tears that had been threatening to come now spilled over my cheeks, down onto my clothes.

_Oh, and what could have been._

_And then the guns rang out one last shot._

_And it felt like a bullet in her heart._

It was as if I was was there, when he had "died." I could only imagine. The body, of course burnt beyond dental records, beyond any kind of recognition... I wondered who it was, the body that wasn't Edward, that innocent stranger thought to be him.

There was a piece of my heart that wasn't me anymore. A stranger. Edward had a piece of me with him, and it wasn't ever going to come back. An internal scar, forever lodged in my brain. A bullet in my heart.

_Baby, why you'd leave me,_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever,_

_Now I'll never know._

Edward had left me, forever. The truth began to wash over me, like a cold bucket of water. It was thrust upon me, something I had never wanted, had never anticipated, but it had happened anyway. And there was no escaping. I was too far in over my head now to back out.

_I can't even breathe._

_It like I'm looking from a distance,_

_Standing in the background,_

_Everybody's saying he's not coming home now._

How was I going to live, breathe, exist? Edward had been my life. Without him, I was nothing. An empty shell. There was nothing left to fill the void he had left behind.

_This can't be happening to me,_

_This is just a dream._

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. How could this be even remotely possible? He had lied and warned me. He had gotten my hopes up, too high. But he had loved me.

_Oh_

_Baby, why you'd leave me,_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever,_

_Now I'll never know._

Everything. Gone. There was no possibility of us being together now, that much I knew.

_Oh, I'll never know._

_It like I'm looking from a distance,_

_Standing in the background,_

_Everybody's saying he's not coming home now._

He never was going to be with me again, going to kiss me, hold my hand. It was too late to do anything now. I would be scarred forever in my heart. There was no one in my life worth living for now.

_This can't be happening to me,_

_This is just a dream._

_Oh, this is just a dream._

_Just a dream._

Just a dream...

I woke up, gasping, sobbing, crying. Screaming. I clutched at my chest, afraid my heart was no more. It was still there, though only slightly. Edward had taken me with him, a huge piece of me. I had no reason to live anymore. What was the point, with him gone?

I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way until my alarm rang at quarter to six. I became lifeless, un-energized. It was too easy, a normal part of my routine now. I was a ghost of what I had been, no longer full of energy and life. This was now my life, without Edward.

**Please review! I'm sosososo sorry about not updating HSR, like many of you want me to, but right now I'm getting an average of 2 hours of homework every night. Crazy, I know. Plus, I have a little writers' block. So it may be a while... No, Just kidding. I'll update ASAP!**

**I won't be updating anything for at least a few days, because I get to go camping with my class this weekend! Don't kill me, please. Kill my teachers.**

**Check out my profile, I have a little contest, and a poll going on right now. So far... not that many people are participating. So let's change that, people! Please! **

**Love you all,**

_intoxicatingly.dazzled_


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